Sometimes, when one digs through the dung pile long enough, a nugget of gold can be found.  This is the only way to describe the experience of watching Hamlet 2.
The story: Failed actor Dana Marschz (Steve Coogan) has taken up the job of a stereotypical drama teacher in Tucson, Arizona, a land of drive-thru liquor stores and large Mexican populations.  Vaguely described complications enlarge his drama class of normally two students to about twenty, 18 of them being Latino “jocks” and/or stoners.  After being notified that drama was about to be canceled, Marschz decided to write a play that will save the department class.  That play is Hamlet 2, an idea offensive to theatre aficionados, with such sexual/political/spiritual content to offend anyone else.  Wackiness ensues.
The movie is divided into five acts, the first four of which are unfunny and poorly written.  Many events seem to be isolated and have no effect or root in any of the others, such as the poorly communicated subplot of Epiphany Sellars, played be the adorable but not funny Phoebe Strole, falling in love with one of the Latino boys, though which Latino boy it was, I couldn’t say.  It happened so fast that I could barely register it.  I think his name was Chuy.

The last act, however, is majestic.  The parts of the offensive play that they showed on screen were really quite moving.  The song “Rock Me Sexy Jesus” was significantly more entertaining and catchy than I thought it would be. However, I know that if I had actually watched the alluded-to scene with Hillary Clinton, Hamlet and others engaging in group sex, I would have enjoyed it much less.

There were moments when I thought, “Jeez, how were they planning to put this on in the school snackatorium,” but by that time I was so bruised by the lack of sense in the film that I stopped caring and enjoyed it.

Also, the poster is extremely misleading.  Trey Parker and Matt Stone had nothing to do with this movie.  That explained the noticeable lack of Parker and Stone’s signature and smart social commentary.  There’s a nice little bit about the ACLU, though.  That part was almost funny,
Ultimately, I felt no affinity for most of the characters in this movie.  The plot points were poorly placed.  At least 75% of the gags fell flat on their face. The relationships that developed didn’t make any sense.  And why did the students want to do this play at all?  Why?  There was nothing in the script that explained this.  Nothing.  One moment they’re uninterested and aloof, the next, they’re pulling some serious Dead Poet Society malarkey.

Could have been great, settled for okay, reviewed by me as a little less than horrible.
As my friend Ira said, “Some parts where really great, but a lot of it was [beep!]ing terrible.”

When I got word of Guillermo Del Toro trying again to breathe life into the Hellboy franchise, I was puzzled. The first film was a mediocre attempt to blend Men in Black, The Mummy, and The City of Lost Children. The second film continues the visual mood but structures a story with a more genuinely epic conflict, pitting the world of Myth against the world of Humanity. The film also continues to plum the depths of Hellboy’s character: The first film explored his identity, while this new film explores the demonic hero’s place in Human society by presenting a tempting alternative.

The story: A long, long, time ago, humans were at war with the mythical creatures of the world for control. The mythical creatures, in order to beat the powerful humans, created an army of indestructible soldiers, the titular Golden Army. So merciless were these warriors to cause horror in the King. So he and the humans made a pact: mythical creatures would keep the forests and man would have every other piece of land for themselves. You can see where this is going. So, zoom to the modern day, where the son of the King returns from exile to awaken the Golden Army and exact revenge on humans for breaking the pact. Who’s going to stop him?

You get three guesses, and the first two don’t count.
The first thing to commend in The Golden Army is Del Toro’s use of puppetry. For this production, he acquired the services of the Jim Henson Shop’s artisans, a move which was vital to the production. At one point, the team of heroes enters a Mos Eisley style bazaar called the Troll Market, featuring many creepy yet intriguing wares and dark, mysterious denizens, such as a man with a miniature castle on his head. Del Toro has come to realize, as many of his viewers have, that costumes and puppets are still more real than computers, so he only uses CGI when necessary, such as when animating an army of seventy times seventy indestructible goblin-made soldiers. He leaves the trolls to be costumed.

Allow me to get the critique out of the way:

1) The human characters were constantly mistreated. At one point, Hellboy saves a baby. Upon handing the baby back, the mother demands, “What did you do to my baby?” A reasonable concern, I suppose, had Hellboy plucked the baby from its carriage. But that was not the case. He rather saved the baby from being crushed by the tentacle of a gigantic Forest Elemental. Having executed the Forest Elemental, the crowd then reacts angrily, near riotous. What? Excuse me, but he just destroyed a five story tree god that would have destroyed a majority of Brooklyn before being put down. And your response is, “Hellboy is out to get us?” Give humans a break, Guillermo.
2) Heavy-handed social commentary. Lots of it. There seems to be a pandemic of this in film in the past few months. We really need to rein this in. There’s nothing wrong with social commentary, as long as it’s not beaten into our heads with spiked clubs. The bit on environmentalism was blessedly short, but the unrelenting critique of “by the books” policy was simply too much.

3) They did not explain why the Prince was compelled to come back now, of all times. Why not during the Industrial Revolution, when some of man’s worst crimes against nature occurred, without a hint of remorse? This is a minor complaint: it is ham-handed social commentary, after all.

Having said that, more positive notes. Del Toro challenges the image set by Lord of the Rings by presenting a more mortal, unflattering, imperfect caricature of the Elf. There is a promise of a future film, even with the satisfying conclusion. The action scenes were magnificent, each one a test of Hellboy’s shortfalls. Noticeable plot-holes fixed themselves. Compelling, profound new characters introduced. Not all mysteries were solved, just the important ones. The exposition was brief, sufficient, and presented delightfully from a young Hellboy’s vantage point. Long live Howdy Doody.

If you liked Hellboy, you’ll like The Golden Army even more. If you didn’t like Hellboy, then give the franchise a second chance.
It was worth it to see a drunken amphibious humanoid sing Barry Manilow.

What did I want from it?

It’s easier to ask what I expected from it. Let’s go down the list. One, Angelina Jolie showing off her finely-toned posterior: check. Two, the most heavily enhanced CGI gunfights since… Shoot ‘Em Up, I suppose. Double check on that one. Three: heavy-handed social commentary. Check. Four: an unfaithful adaptation of the comic: check. Finally: Every action movie cliché. Check that one with permanent marker.

What did I not expect, that I actually received: To be on the edge of my seat; a satisfying resolution; to have fun; to not expect the twist when it came.

Hollywood, ladies and gentlemen, is closing in on the solution to its inability to perform. In lieu of the (apparent) dearth of quality scripts and directors in Tinsel Town, big studios are working on making the perfect bad movie, using every corpse in its closet. Lacking any other direction, it has begun to consume itself, in spectacular fashion. The End of Cinematic Days… can we pray for it? Dare we?

This new action flick features passable acting from McAvoy, Freeman and Jolie, fight scenes that can only be described as spectacles, and oddly uncharacteristic Danny Elfman scoring. Uncharacteristic in that it is boring. Accustomed to more vivacious scores like that of Beetlejuice or Nightmare Before Christmas, it was odd to discover that the bland score I had just heard was from such a unique, if repetitive, composer.

It’s the classic orphan story of unimportant-guy-with- untapped-congenital-super-powers- who-trains-to-use-them. The conceit is central to countless classic stories, of which Star Wars is the most famous. It’s a guaranteed hook for audiences, as it provides incentive to empathize with the hero. The hapless protagonist archetype, guided by a friendly/seductive veteran archetype and aged mentor archetype to guide him, confronts an evil arch-nemesis archetype. Classic. Insert archetypal training montage with archetypal final task to complete before the hero is ready to fight the villain. Insert archetypal first assignment… You get the gist. This movie is a series of great archetypes in an essentially bad story.

Plus, the team of elite assassins is guided to their targets by threads in swatches of cotton.

Don’t ask questions, just accept it.

Casual 4^th-wall breaking moments break the monotony, as do the wonderful messages strewn in various places throughout the film, such as with airborne pieces of a smashed keyboard, ATM messages, or etched onto a bullet.

Ultimately, this film is a wet dream for those who have shitty, repressed lives who wish something magical would happen to them. Another great hook, as these people represent a significant portion of Western society.

The end… It doesn’t leave much room for a sequel. I was shocked. That was the only cliché that Wanted abstained from. Not that it has stopped them before, but I was waiting for some Mortal Combat sort of ending to rear its ugly head. I was pleasantly surprised.

Overall, I’d advise you to go see it. It’s fun as long as you don’t expect it to be the next Dirty Harry.